Rice ribs Iraq

Propping up sagging war program

Washington, DC--Congoleezza Rice is off to Iraq reported unnamed White House sources. Hoping to prop up the President's sagging war program, she will host an All-American state banquet in the USA Embassy in Doggibagh, capital city of Iraq.

'Secretary Rice (photo left) will receive Iraq's president and other dignitaries,' explained a spokesman. 'The state banquet menu has been approved. It features American regional dishes,' he explained.

All American menu for All American affair

The menu will highlight sausage rolls also known as pigs-in-a-blanket and baby pork spareribs prepared from a secret recipe, a specialty of the White House 'down on the farm' in Joan Crawford, TX.

Generous portions of Boston baked pork and beans will top off dining for the guests, followed by slices of hot apple pie and ice cream. A vast array of American wines and spirits will accompany each course. As is now customary, the meal will begin with Grace to suggest that America is one nation under One Deity.

'Of course, when we served a similar meal in Tel Aviv,' added the White House spokesman, 'the Israeli government is said to have protested.' Readers will recall President Dubya, ever astute analyst of foreign affairs, felt it was a misunderstanding, since kosher wines were not offered.

Mary appears to priest: I am the Counter Reformation

Shocking news
Longuini, Italy--News from this pastoral city in northern Italy today shocked the world. Father Adeste Fideli told his flock the Virgin Mary appeared to him in a vision. Photo right: Fr Adeste

Jesus angry
'Mary is highly displeased with her children on earth,' reported the priest. 'Her Son commanded her to tell me He is angry because of all the humano-centric amendments and corruptions imposed upon His Church. He does not like kumbayah.'

Counter Reformation
'I am the Counter Reformation,' proclaims the holy Mother. 'My Son wants Latin to be the language of worship. He wants altars put back where they belong. He wants the "Holy of Holies" layout as decreed by His Father in the Old Testament.' Father also revealed Mary wants Mozart, Gregorian chant and other acceptable music modalities to once again be part of worship.

Ecclesial Bodies react
'What Father Fideli proposes is diametrically opposed to what we of the World Council of Ecclesial Bodies believe!' exclaimed Bishop Henriette Hoarhound, Chief Spokeshound for the World Council. 'This is quite at odds with our insights into contemporary, liberal religious thought.' Photo, left:Bp Hoarhound.

The bishop went on to declaim that Father Fideli's proposals are tantamount to insisting that the date for Easter move about. It will be remembered the World Council wants to fix the date of Easter. This will enable the American confection industry and greeting card industry better prepare for the annual celebration.

It will also be remembered that, with the withdrawal of the Russian Church from this organization, the World Council now speaks for almost two percent of world believers.